The Pub:
I enjoy this dark humid room, where the band plays and the cold from outside can’t reach me. I smile, watching friends and strangers meld together until I can’t tell who is stranger and who is friend. We are all one here, where the songs are familiar on everyone’s lips, and where we struggle to share audible conversation. After three years this city has become home, and the Irish culture is more comfortable to me than my native American culture now.
I turn my gaze toward a friend, hovering by my side as she points toward two gentlemen who are sitting with the band. “Oh, I‘ve seen the one on the left before, but that other one is very handsome,” and her beer glass moved to show me the man who was indeed rather attractive, and who was quietly smiling to himself and enjoying the merriment. I teased her, ”why don’t you go talk to him?” “No, I can tell he’s French,” she replied, and continued to tell me a slightly tipsy tale as to why she thought Spanish and French cultures clash in a relationship. Being content with my own pint I did not push her further.
As on most nights that the band played in this pub, I wait for my friend’s signal to leave and hug those that I knew well goodnight. As they always talk and wait for us, I take my time putting on my coat and clearing some glasses for the bar owner (who is very sweet), and was one of the last out the door. One friend hugs me and starts conversation, saying that some people were to go on for another drink, but that him and his friend had to leave before the fun. This friend, he introduced, was Erwan, a worker in his company, and also the man who was previously described as “the handsome one.” However, I didn’t honestly remember this part of the evening, no names or introductions, until after the next part of the story... Another friend pulls me onward to the next party and I quickly forget this little meeting between soulmates.
The Hike:
I live for days like this. Driving out to the Irish countryside with friends to explore this gorgeous land and laugh together, away from the city walls and sounds. Though I can’t pronounce the area we are venturing to, I trust my fellow explorer‘s Google maps skills.
Pulling into the parking grounds is difficult, with winding roads and uneven grounds close to the seaside. Upon turning the last bend we see a lone motorcyclist leaning casually upon his ride and holding his helmet in the crook of his arm. “Oh no,” I thought to myself, as I instantly feel the butterflies dancing in my stomach. Knowing that I had recently decided to return to the U.S. in a few short months I refused to be sidetracked by this stranger. Turning to my friend, we make our way down to the sea, where the rocks kiss the waves, and distracted my mind. Distracted, but I can still feel him as he followed down the path, as he walked ahead toward the castle, and as he lay in the soft grass near the cliff... for over three hours I can feel him there, but I will not torture myself by talking to an attractive man mere months before leaving for another country.
Laying in the grass near the end of the hike, I look over to see him taking pictures, and find myself smiling at his boyish enthusiasm for this place.
Killarney National Park:
I organized this trip, but I will admit I’m a bit exhausted with work and life, and so when I see that it’s raining this morning I message to be sure we have carpools arranged for everyone wanting to go the 2.5 hour drive to Killarney. Especially for the man who rides the motorcycle, as the roads can be dangerous in the rain.
My friend asks me to ride in the car with her I agree without a thought. Somehow I end up in the middle of the backseat, squished between two people who I do not know. Being so tired, i try to keep up conversation, but it becomes clear to me that I will have to pretend to not be shy, in an effort to keep conversation flowing. My fellow car passengers seem to want to talk, without knowing what to say, and the poor man without his motorcycle seems lost. He is handsome though... but I must distract myself from this.
The day is incredible, and I slowly find myself becoming comfortable with these two strangers on the ride home. The man, Erwan, has green/grey eyes that seem to welcome me home. Now that he has reminded me of our first meeting and asked if we might converse in the future, he begins to message me daily after this day-trip. His kindness and pure heart make me want to be near him, and I begin to eagerly await the next pub session so I can see him again. I’m beginning to lose the will to distract myself...
The Kiss:
It’s been a few weeks, but lately I have been exhausted with wondering if the handsome man who has been flirting with me is interested in a relationship, or just in improving his English. He recently turned my attentions away by showing signs that he did not care to take the friendship further, and I was resigned to end communications with him. However, tonight he invited himself over, and I volunteered dinner at my place, as I am scheduled to take the bus to the airport at 2am tonight and still needed to pack.
The doorbell rings and the butterflies begin to dance. I try to stop them, but when I open the door he looks so nervous I almost want to laugh.
Commencing with polite conversation, we continue through dinner to discuss families and other unimportant matters. However, as it’s getting later and I am about to inquire about him heading home, he begins a new topic. I feel myself tense as he begins explaining his recent behaviors and his future intentions. “We have to decide, and it won’t be easy...” I hear him saying words, but I don’t understand his meaning. He seems to be discussing the idea of a relationship, while at the same time trying to talk himself out of it. I hear myself agreeing with him, “yes, it’s difficult,” and nodding without fully understanding still what the conversation is really about.
...In my mind, I know that the ocean between us will be immense and one of the hardest trials of my life. But my heart, I know Ive never felt this connection before, so for me there is no question. We will cross the ocean and be together again in the future, I’m sure of it...
Finally, I must go, and I can feel the air is heavy. He asks if he may walk me to the station, but I refuse, mostly because I need to clear my head, as I have no idea what is happening. He instead asks if he can walk me outside, so I nod ”yes.”
I will keep some of this for myself, but after some minutes have passed, he boldly asks “may I kiss you?” My breath caught, and as I nodded I felt his arms around me, and I felt my hands automatically reach up to rest on his chest and neck. This is the moment it begins, the rest of my life, because after this moment, I knew I didn‘t ever want him to let me go again...
This is how I met him, my forever...